It’s no surprise that smokers often marry or live with other smokers.

So, when one of you makes the decision to quit, it can pose real challenges. Inevitably, questions emerge like: “Will it mess up our relationship?” “Will it make it harder for me to successfully quit?” “How will we coexist if I succeed?”

The truth is, trying to quit when your partner smokes does make it harder for you to succeed. But it’s also true that you can still do it and not hurt your relationship in the process. The trick is keeping your expectations reasonable; communicating well; always showing love; and being sensitive to both sides’ needs and emotions.

Have a conversation with your spouse or partner well in advance of your start date.

Explain why and also how you plan to do it. Also, let them know you don’t expect them to quit.

Ask them to support you at home by doing their smoking outdoors, or at least in a designated “smoking room” of the home with the windows open.

Be willing to offer something in return for that favour. Also, ask them to be mindful of your smoking triggers whenever they can. Explain that you don’t expect them to pamper you. But do keep in mind that your quitting is hard on them too, so keep requests reasonable.

Let them know that while you won’t be smoking together any longer, nothing else has changed.

You’ll find new ways to share intimacy around other common interests.

Request that they not smoke around you, or at least give a heads-up when they want to, so you can leave.

Ask them to keep all cigarettes, lighters, and ashtrays out of sight. In return, see what you can do to make life more comfortable at home for them, such as allowing a piece of furniture you might not like or keeping the TV down if you tend to blast it.

Nicotine withdrawal can wreak havoc on your emotions and that can cause you to lash out at your partner — sometimes, over small matters.

Warn them of this in advance and try your best to avoid taking out your struggles on them. If you fail at that, apologise quickly, explain what’s going on, make clear your love for them, and that the mood swings will pass soon as nicotine withdrawal eases.